Sometimes things are so close we don’t recognize them for what they are.For me, that happens when Anne and I are singing in harmony.I rarely think about the mechanics of harmony singing; the pitch, the phrasing, the subtleties of pronunciation and so forth.
I do experience something more attune to a picture in my mind of where our voices are moving together and the effect and influence it has in that moment, in that setting for that particular song.Honestly, I’m amazed at how it seems to happen by itself sometimes!And yet, I’m always keenly aware of how this is only possible when we both are in a state of deep listening.
I’ve come to explain this occurrence as Deep Listening.In my life I explain it as a state of Being, a kind of heightened awareness dedicated solely for that moment in time.In workshops and in retreats I tell participants that it’s as if you’re listening with your entire body.You feel the sounds and the space around you so fully that the listening becomes something of a physical act.Thoughts usually slow down or sometimes they stop completely, yet you’re very alert and responsive to the person or situation at hand.
It can be fascinating when you bring this Deep Listening into practice with music, you’re more aware of the subtle qualities music can take on.This is the reason why music can help you feel better, happy or sad, contemplative or whatever.You can actually “feel” the music and it brings on a certain “feeling” in us.Maybe that’s why I’ve had so many people tell me the banjo just makes them feelhappy yet they don’t know why. Or when people tell us that our harmony singing makes them feel calm.
Anytime we’re interacting with another person, we’re creating a certain harmony, whether we’re singing or not.There’s two of us and we’re bringing our story, our song, our voice to that moment.We are all capable of bringing a certain quality to each interaction.Do we sing in a complimentary harmony or are we competing for the soundscape?Do we bring Deep Listening or is there so much going on in our own heads we can’t hear or feel the other person?
I try to bring Deep Listening into every conversation and interaction I can.Sometimes it comes in easily, like singing with Anne, and with deep satisfaction and other times, not so much ;-)But hey, I’ve been singing harmony with Anne for 20 years and I’m still learning how my voice can sing!
Let me know how you experience Deep Listening and how easily or not you can bring it into your everyday conversations.
This weekend I have the great opportunity to share some stories with high school seniors about what it’s been like living a life of being a musician. Actually, more about living a life attempting to follow my heart's passion. It kinda made me think of what giving a commencement speech would be like…..well, here’s what I would say, if someone asked this Spring at graduation time...
I love banjo playing in the airport
Dear Graduating Class of 2015,
Standing here at the dawn of the rest of your life I can think of nothing more fitting than to talk about...the banjo! No seriously playing the banjo has been a great teacher of deep wisdom and truths.
Actually, I find that anything in our lives can be looked at as a deep teacher of wisdom and truth.
From washing the dishes, to going for a walk, petting your dog, or talking to your mother.Everything is showing us our perceptions, our reactions, our judgments, our beliefs and what it is that's most important to us.It’s all there all the time waiting for us to take notice.
For me, being a musician, more specifically knowing how to play the banjo, has put me in so many different situations over the past 12 years that they have opened my eyes and mind to the secrets of what it means to be a human being on this crazy journey called Life.
So here are three things I believe are part of the living wisdom of Life itself. All of which I’ve gleaned while being a banjo player:
1 – People are good, just open yourself to receive – When Anne I and left on our cross country tour in 2010, we sold our home and drove out to share our music (play the banjo) in a larger way.We were following our heart’s passion to bring beautiful music to people who would hear it.People supported us everywhere we went, with meals, homes, childcare, money and everything in between.Sitting around hundreds of kitchen tables, sharing meals and living space, we witnessed the true essence of people from Wyoming to Tennessee and New York to New Mexico.PEOPLE ARE GOOD.
2- Live from your passion andpeople will want to support you – When Anne and I began our music life (playing the banjo), we did it because it made us feel so good.However, as we progressed, people began to feel that vibrancy coming from us and it awoke a desire in them to see us succeed.As if theywould somehow benefit from us continuing to be passionate for what we wanted.When we live from our passion and that which inspires us, we inspire others, stirring their intuition which says, “This is worthy of my support.”Dare to live from this space of passion and inspiration.Dare to lead with your heart.It will light the flame in others.
3 – Fear contracts, love expands – Having put in our 10,000 hours of live performance, it’s fun and amazing to me that I still get butterflies in my stomach sometimes before performing.It’s reserved for special occasions mostly (like our recent audition for The Voice) or when I’m trying something new on stage.Yet, every time I’m vulnerable on stage and in life, I grow.On stage it feels as if there’s nothing beneath you and you are falling over the edge of a cliff and suddenly, it goes perfect and you’re not falling but flying.In life it’s more subtle: the chance to be wrong as a parent or admitting to being petty with your spouse.These moments always, always make me like more of the person I want to be in life: authentic, loving, compassionate and grateful.In the case with my child, I usually end up getting the best hug ever, with the spouse, I no longer need to hide what scares me and on stage, the applause of hundreds of people cheering my success.So ask yourself, “Does this feel like contraction or expansion?”Fear or Love?I CHOOSE LOVE!
On Feb 8th, Anne and I hosted a retreat called, Awaken Joy. (watch the video on our YouTube channel) With a room filled with courageous people, we sang, shared stories and wrote about Joy in our lives and how we can support ourselves and each other in allowing Joy more access in our daily lives. Personally, it was very moving and I shared the following with the retreat participants. Perhaps it might be of interest to others, so here it is for you to read over and comment on.
It's a privilege to be able to share our songs and ourselves with you all!
I’m curious to see how you all did on Monday.Did you feel there was a new perspective on things or that you felt alright with how the day unfolded?Did you find yourself reflecting on your weekend?
Or did any of you feel the old momentum try to remind you it was there on Monday like I did?Sometimes when new shifts or deep experiences happen, the old patterns attempt to assert themselves as to not loose their hold on us and our thinking.If this happened to you, I recommend to first simply allow it be and then using the “deep listening” approach, see if there’s something inside you that is ready for change or ready to be heard.This takes tremendous courage and can even be scary.It could be you felt tired yesterday, maybe things felt lackluster or perhaps you wanted to just disappear under the covers.For me, it was the feeling of there’s too much to get to and I don’t have enough time.Anxiety coupled with the fear of failure.When I finally allowed it be, rather than trying to use sleep, the internet or reading to avoid the feeling, I saw it was an old story, an old fear.Oddly enough it was fear of an exciting and bright future.Fear that somehow I would mess up all the good in my life if I didn’t use worry and anxiety to keep myself motivated.I then remembered to apply this quote from the author Eckhart Tolle,“It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.”This created more space for me to enter a place of deep listening and respect for this old, familiar fear/ feeling.Because of our time together the day before I saw that this was my chance to EXPERIENCE my desire to allow JOY to come through me, even at this seemingly impossible time.As I accepted this fear by silently witnessing it, I felt the hint of peace underneath the fear.Like our conversation the day before, I realized again that Joy is always there, but we tend to cover it up with blocks.I noticed there was nothing for me to DO to get to the Joy, I just asked it to come through me.Some people might call this, “Let go and let God” others say it’s accepting the present moment.However you name it, I thank you all for helping me touch Joy on Sunday so I could more easily find my way back.Like tasting honey, I have again experienced Joy.This happened shortly before I went to bed and I soon fell into a deep sleep and woke up this morning feeling refreshed and amazed.How did this happen?Through knowing that life continues to give me opportunities to EXPERIENCE joy awakening within me.
So let the river flow, allow yourself to fill in the statement, “I’ve always wanted to…”Let yourself want more good, more joy, more love.Be okay with letting go of things that aren’t working, no mater how familiar they might be.We all want you to succeed and we’re all wiling to help you do so.Remember, even those voices in your head aren’t always true, like my father’s voice that turned out to be less true than his actual deep love and support for me and my dreams!